heartharmony.com.au

A serious post today. Pick up any personal development magazine and you are likely to be advised to steer clear of Dream Stealers – those people who tell you that your dreams are not going to come real. These are the people who tell you (for a whole range of reasons) that you will never reach your goals.  Some dream stealers are just concerned and loving friends or relatives who don’t want to see you fail, others are just plain out old fashioned jealous that you are doing what they don’t have the courage to do.

In a workplace, Dream Stealers are your well meaning colleagues who talk you out of going for that promotion or who convince you that the idea will never work. Yes, if too many dreams become dashed, then your team adopt the role of Dream Stealers for others who may still have dreams in their hearts. They become negative – but they still stay.

But even with Dream Stealers around, most people keep on going. They keep going because there is that spark of human spirit in their core that believes that some day things will be different. “If only (and you can fill in your own blanks here) then their lives will change”. That is why people take part in strategic planning exercises year after year, or cultural change exercises, or new marketing campaigns  even when all the last ones were duds – the hope that things may change.

Hope is a very powerful motivator. There is a saying that wrinkle cream is selling hope in a jar. Even Seth Godin talks about his view that all marketers are really only selling hope. People are hard-wired to hope.

Yet, much more destructive than Dream Stealers are Hope Stealers. Hope Stealers can come in two forms – a person who sucks all hope out of your life, or life experiences where you try and fail so many times you simply give up.

Human Hope Stealers  are the people who not only tell you that your dreams will never come real, but that no other dreams along the same lines will eventuate. Depending on the self esteem of the person on the receiving end of that feedback, they will either brush aside the Hope Stealer, or they will take it to heart. Einstein dropped out of school as he was never going to amount to much according to his High School feedback, but he still had hope in his heart which was enough to help him create the remarkable future we know. How many other school drop-outs don’t have the same resilience and take the feedback to heart?

In a workplace I see well-meaning managers give feedback during performance reviews that the person will “never make a promotion, no matter what they do”. I see doctors saying “sorry, there is no hope for your condition”. These are Hope Stealer words.

Words carry amazing power and most people do not choose their words with care. Yes, give challenging feedback, but always leave space for hope.

The other form of Hope Stealers are the repeated failed experiences that result in the person giving up hope. Examples include business owners or farmers trying one thing after another and just facing failure after failure, and people in relationships that promised much and then failed.

While you can’t control what life throws at people, you can control whether or not you are a Dream Stealer or Hope Stealer. It is never OK to steal hope in any situation. No matter whether you are a manager, employee, sporting coach, parent or consultant – always leave hope behind.

Whatever the cause of hope being lost, these experiences create a feeling of futility in the person – that nothing will ever make a difference, and no matter what they try there will never be a change in their situation.They simply see dark in their future, with no light at the end of the tunnel. Combine it with depression and you have a destructive and deadly combination. People can live with loss of dreams, they can’t live with loss of hope.

It is when people feel flat, and that life is futile, that suicide becomes a real option.  Most people have some experience of knowing someone that has suicided. In a workplace, having a team member suicide creates years of trauma for colleagues and managers alike, as they review their words to see if they unwittingly became Hope Stealers. Jon suicided in my work team over 15 years ago and I still remember him and wonder what happened to make him lose hope.

And in your workplace or amongst your friends, if you find someone who is losing hope, then reach out to them to offer comfort and support. A simple “Are you OK” can make a huge difference. Being a shoulder to cry on, talking through the issues and taking the threat seriously is a great start. Showing care, asking questions and then seeking professional help are the next steps. You can make a difference by your actions.

The 10th September is  World Suicide Prevention Day and if you want to learn more about how to prevent suicide, then this US site – Stop a Suicide is a wealth of information.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Copywriter