heartharmony.com.au

In a world where we are switched on, tuned in 24/7, with hundreds of  online “friends” you could be forgiven for thinking that deep human needs are being met. And yet, when I talk with my clients, the need that they most crave, and are missing in their lives, are deeper connections with other people. They want to be known and accepted as they are by others.

Social media for many people is the equivalent of the head nod as you pass someone whose face you recognise on the street.  The people who do social media really well add in the hearty g’day and a chat about the weather – but they are still not meeting the needs for deeper connection between people.

Managers struggle with having honest and open conversations with their team members because they know they have no relationship & connection with the people they manage. We all instinctively know that we listen more if feedback comes from people we trust, respect and like, than someone who is part of our business wallpaper.  And yet, these same managers view the step to connect with their team in the same light as setting sail for the new world back a few hundred years – fears that “there be dragons” on the journey.

Women seem to find it easier to connect. Put two women in a room with some coffees between them and often the level of disclosure quickly heads into the “wouldn’t put that on Facebook” territory.

Guys on the other hand seem to struggle. I’m sure there are piles of wonderfully academic books written on this one, but here’s some home spun wisdom. If you want two or more blokes to “connect” or have a hard conversation, make sure there is some form of sporting equipment between them.

I have seen blokes deal with grieving the loss of a child over a few hoops of basketball. I have watched a few blokes fishing and in the process sort out inter team work conflicts.  I have seen handball courts form the backdrop to working on thorny goals, and have observed indoor cricket made from improvised equipment (you can’t beat the old rubber band balls) resolve stalemates in projects.  It doesn’t matter the form – just make the conversation not the focus but the sideline to something else.

So if you are serious about being a successful manager or business owner, work out how you can help fill the deeper need for connection with your team and clients … even if that means playing the odd round of  golf or lawn bowls.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance writer