heartharmony.com.au

A serious post today. Pick up any personal development magazine and you are likely to be advised to steer clear of Dream Stealers – those people who tell you that your dreams are not going to come real. These are the people who tell you (for a whole range of reasons) that you will never reach your goals.  Some dream stealers are just concerned and loving friends or relatives who don’t want to see you fail, others are just plain out old fashioned jealous that you are doing what they don’t have the courage to do.

In a workplace, Dream Stealers are your well meaning colleagues who talk you out of going for that promotion or who convince you that the idea will never work. Yes, if too many dreams become dashed, then your team adopt the role of Dream Stealers for others who may still have dreams in their hearts. They become negative – but they still stay.

But even with Dream Stealers around, most people keep on going. They keep going because there is that spark of human spirit in their core that believes that some day things will be different. “If only (and you can fill in your own blanks here) then their lives will change”. That is why people take part in strategic planning exercises year after year, or cultural change exercises, or new marketing campaigns  even when all the last ones were duds – the hope that things may change.

Hope is a very powerful motivator. There is a saying that wrinkle cream is selling hope in a jar. Even Seth Godin talks about his view that all marketers are really only selling hope. People are hard-wired to hope.

Yet, much more destructive than Dream Stealers are Hope Stealers. Hope Stealers can come in two forms – a person who sucks all hope out of your life, or life experiences where you try and fail so many times you simply give up.

Human Hope Stealers  are the people who not only tell you that your dreams will never come real, but that no other dreams along the same lines will eventuate. Depending on the self esteem of the person on the receiving end of that feedback, they will either brush aside the Hope Stealer, or they will take it to heart. Einstein dropped out of school as he was never going to amount to much according to his High School feedback, but he still had hope in his heart which was enough to help him create the remarkable future we know. How many other school drop-outs don’t have the same resilience and take the feedback to heart?

In a workplace I see well-meaning managers give feedback during performance reviews that the person will “never make a promotion, no matter what they do”. I see doctors saying “sorry, there is no hope for your condition”. These are Hope Stealer words.

Words carry amazing power and most people do not choose their words with care. Yes, give challenging feedback, but always leave space for hope.

The other form of Hope Stealers are the repeated failed experiences that result in the person giving up hope. Examples include business owners or farmers trying one thing after another and just facing failure after failure, and people in relationships that promised much and then failed.

While you can’t control what life throws at people, you can control whether or not you are a Dream Stealer or Hope Stealer. It is never OK to steal hope in any situation. No matter whether you are a manager, employee, sporting coach, parent or consultant – always leave hope behind.

Whatever the cause of hope being lost, these experiences create a feeling of futility in the person – that nothing will ever make a difference, and no matter what they try there will never be a change in their situation.They simply see dark in their future, with no light at the end of the tunnel. Combine it with depression and you have a destructive and deadly combination. People can live with loss of dreams, they can’t live with loss of hope.

It is when people feel flat, and that life is futile, that suicide becomes a real option.  Most people have some experience of knowing someone that has suicided. In a workplace, having a team member suicide creates years of trauma for colleagues and managers alike, as they review their words to see if they unwittingly became Hope Stealers. Jon suicided in my work team over 15 years ago and I still remember him and wonder what happened to make him lose hope.

And in your workplace or amongst your friends, if you find someone who is losing hope, then reach out to them to offer comfort and support. A simple “Are you OK” can make a huge difference. Being a shoulder to cry on, talking through the issues and taking the threat seriously is a great start. Showing care, asking questions and then seeking professional help are the next steps. You can make a difference by your actions.

The 10th September is  World Suicide Prevention Day and if you want to learn more about how to prevent suicide, then this US site – Stop a Suicide is a wealth of information.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Copywriter

Yesterday I indulged in my secret passion during an Unconference  – people watching (too many years as a facilitator – part of me always observes process). Unconferences are held using the open spaces format, where the attendees set the agenda, work out which conversations they want to be part of and if they are not getting their needs met, they vote with two feet and move on to other groups.

I love simply observing people as they interact and play with each other. You can see the people who connect with each other – their bodies sway towards each other, their voices take on the same rhythmic cadences, they smile and move together, eye contact increases and they talk more with each other. There was a heck of a lot of connection happening between like minded people during many of the sessions.

It was also interesting to observe some middle aged guys who seemed totally oblivious to the effect they had on the people around them. If one or more of them were in a group, as soon as they would start to speak you could almost put a timer on it, within a few moments people would quietly start to drift away to explore other groups. I watched one group form with 25 people, and at the end of the alloted time period, only 6 remained – three of which were the guys in question.

I listened in to snippets of conversation during the breaks and listened to feedback from a number of my clients who attended with me. All were enjoying the day, and yet all made some comment about at least one of these three guys. Many people chose the conversations they wanted to be part of not by the topic that interested them, but whether or not one of these guys were already in the group. They deliberately opted out of participating in things they were interested in because of someone in a group.

So what made them stand out? What were they doing to create the negative impact? Well based on the feedback of my clients and my personal experience of them, they had some communication approaches that stood out.

They rarely asked questions of other participants and when they did they were not interested in the answers, or cut across the answers to highlight how the response confirmed what they were already thinking.

For example I saw one person, who had taken leadership of one of the groups, ask people to define the topic in their own words. He started to go around the group, literally sitting on his hands and physically jiggling to stop himself from speaking. He  only went through half the people before leaping in and saying “I run a program that teaches this … it it really great and (heavy plug)”.  The other half of the people who had not had their turn to speak, tried to get in their definitions, and he cut each person off to continue the plug. At the end, he tried to gather business cards to send people in the group more information about the program. Needless to say the interest in the program was lukewarm at best – people hate being sold to.

I also observed in another group two of the guys asking nominal at best questions of a participant to scope out an issue, with no questions to explore understanding or gain depth. The questions were of the closed, leading type, not allowing the person the scope to expand their thoughts or explain what they meant. The person on the receiving end just ended up giving up and giving monosyllabic answers.

They valued their abrasive approach

Two of these people labelled themselves as “challenging” and when they first came into a new group were overheard to say “so who are we going to harangue now”. Perturbation is a valid facilitation technique if used with the right intent. With wrong intent it is just being argumentative.

They leapt to solutions – theirs

The favourite saying of all three was “what you need to do is …”. They gave advice based on their own personal values, beliefs and models, without clarifying the values of the person on the receiving end. When the person did not accept their sage wisdom, they then blamed the person and did not question if their process was a valid one.

To be honest, observing my own emotions while in groups with them I caught myself thinking the word “wanker” a few too many times, and discounting whatever they said.  And while the temptation was to vote with my feet, I was genuinely interested in the topics so chose to stay in each group.

And these things got me thinking. We are all guilty at times of leaping in with advice without looking through the other person’s eyes. We are also guilty of not being aware of the impact our communication has on others. We all at times believe that our experience gives us the right to tell other people what to do, without checking in with the other person to see if they have any opinions or views in the matter. And we are guilty of moving into sell without forming any relationship with people, or having proven our expertise.

In a workplace, when Managers regularly adopt these approaches, staff mentally “check out” or leave. In business these sort of approaches will sell a small percentage of clients (just like luminous green logos will sell some things to some people), yet the same approach will also quietly turn off many other people who will vote with their two feet and take their business elsewhere.

There’s a saying that communication is what the other person receives and not what you intended. Even if you have positive intent, if people are quietly voting with their feet around you, then perhaps, just perhaps, it is time to take stock of  your communication approach.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Copywriter

Humans seem to be hardwired for information and gossip. We see it every day in the celebrity gossip magazines, and the paparazzi industry. This industry is founded on taking micro facial expressions, snippets of conversations and creating a full operatic production from the information.  … And people lap it up in droves.

But this love of gossip is not limited to celebrity watchers. In a workplace, people watch “the boss” with the same intensity as they watch the latest scandal over Brittany. They look for facial expressions, the odd comment overheard as they pass by, cryptic post-it notes and pieces of paper left in photocopiers are pored over, and in the absence of any other information, people create a story around their interpretations of what they see. In stable times, this interpretation generally revolves around who are the bosses favourites and who gets the plum projects.

In more challenging times, the interpretation can swing wildly from businesses closing down through to sackings or takeovers. In challenging times, people naturally turn inwards and want to know “what does this mean for me”. In the absence of other information, they run these micro pieces of information through their internal mental representations of the world, and leap to conclusions. These conclusions then colour their actions – ranging from looking for other jobs, to disengaging mentally from the workplace, through to spreading their thoughts (gossiping) to other workmates and triggering mass hysteria.

There were studies done a few years back that looked at how people want to hear information about change or challenge in their workplace. Hands down winner was that people wanted to hear about the changes from their immediate boss, and not the CEO, company spokesperson or general briefing. They want to hear it from the person who they have the closest relationship with.

And yet, most businesses in times of challenge, sit on information. They wait until all the facts are known, trying to protect employees. The problem with this approach is that the micro snippets of information do get out and the workforce already starts the rumour mill running.

It is far better to share what you know when you know it, and answer honestly “We don’t know that yet and will tell you when we do”, rather than sit stoically silent waiting for all of the information. You need to share your story and your information as openly and as honestly as you can, as soon as you can. You need to fill in the blanks for your team, not allow them to create their own version of the truth that you then need to correct.

But it is not only employees who fill in the blanks. Customers do the same thing. When looking at businesses to buy from, they do the same hunt for micro expressions, snippets of information and then draw their own conclusions. Many company websites seem more designed as a “do it yourself mystery” rather than actually sharing full information with their clients. They leave out core information, they share images which may or may not be what they are like to work with, and they leave unanswered questions in the minds of their customers. In the absence of information to the contrary, people make an assessment about the business based on what they read and what they see. Businesses need to look at what they are communicating, and find ways to share their stories more fully with their customers and not leave them to make stuff up based on snippets of information.

You see, the thing is that once a piece of information is in someone’s mind, it can’t be erased. Marketers use this “priming” deliberately – anchoring the thought that the product or service is not this ridiculously high price, but this relatively more modest price point. Your mind remembers the first figure named. In business, employees and customers remember the first bit of information or gossip that they hear about a person or a business – even if it is false and subsequently overturned by correct data. If you wait to respond with information until you know all the facts, then you are no longer in control of the information that is recalled by your employees or customers.

So the bottom line is – get in first, give as much information as you can, there is no crime in saying “I don’t know the answer to that right now”, and repeat the message until you are heartily sick of it.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance writer

There are times in most businesses and lives when nothing much is happening. Nothing creative. No innovations.  No new directions. From the outside all is quiet. The challenge is working out what is happening on the inside.

Are you stuck – and have no idea which way is the best way forward, but can’t go backwards either? Are you in a holding pattern where you have to wait for other planes to land before you can make your move? Are you just part of a natural rhythm of nature and are lying fallow at present but with the spring warmth will burst into bud? Or are you procrastinating – knowing what you could be doing, but for whatever reason (usually fear) you teeter on the edge – not willing to take the leap into your future?

Looking in from the outside, each of these patterns look the same. But looking out from the inside the scene is very different. Each view of the world is coloured by a different emotion. Stuckness has a confused, heavy quality to it. Holding patterns can start as quiet resignation, but can turn to irritation or frustration if the wait is too long. Lying fallow usually feels slow and gentle. Procrastination feels unsettled and like a burr under your skin.

Getting out of each state into action also has its differences. Stuckness needs insight, wisdom and pathfinding. You can’t move from stuckness to action just by force of will alone. Getting out of a holding pattern before the other planes have moved is a recipe for disaster, so the only two choices you have are to learn the art of patience or find a different landing strip. Trying to move from fallow to full production before the conditions are right means a measly harvest if at all. The only way out of lying fallow is waiting for the change in the seasons. Moving from procrastination to action requires facing the fears down and taking action anyway.

So if you or your business are in the doldrums you may want to stop and work out whether you are stuck, in a holding pattern, lying fallow or procrastinating. You can then match the action strategy with the issue, and not just leap into ill-considered action.

Until next time

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Writer

Every now and again I get asked about favourite pieces of software that I use to boost productivity.  About two months back a close friend told me about Dropbox and I have to admit that I now can’t live without it.

So what is Dropbox? Well if you put your files into Dropbox on one of your computers, provided you have installed Dropbox on your other computers, then the file is instantly synced between your computers.  What that means is if I work on a client file on my desktop, the next time I turn on my laptop I can access the most current client file and make edits, which are instantly synced back to my home computer. I can also access the file online if I need to from a client’s computer.

So what? No more shuffling USBs, no more emailing versions to myself, no more sitting at an airport thinking “darn, I brought the wrong version of the file with me”.

Once you have yourself sorted, then the fun begins – you can grant access to individual files or folders to one or a number of people, and set the individual permission levels from read only to edit and delete.  For me it means my clients can now access drafts without having to email backwards & forwards or hassling with Yousendit or other programs (a much better option if we are at graphic design phase and need to work between client and designer).

Things you can do to really take it to the next level.

• Small teams can now access all corporate manuals and documentation using Dropbox from whatever computer they are using (which means always having the most current version of corporate policies and procedures).
• Remote workers or telecommuters can store their stuff centrally, no more stressing about the quality of home backup systems.
• People on extended leave can stay in touch with work projects.
• Use it to upload & share photos with your family while you are overseas (without the hassles of Facebook security/privacy).
• Teams can collaborate on drafts of documents.
• It covers you in case your house/business burns down (with all your computers & backups with it).
• Load your MYOB file into it so your accountant can work their magic without hogging your file or stopping you from invoicing.
• Use Dropbox with your Virtual Assistant to organise audio transcription or file editing.

Did I mention that the first 2GB is free and up to 100GB is available at negligible cost? Yes, it covers both Mac & Windows, and yes, they take your security seriously.  And no – I am not getting any kickbacks or even free space for this post – I consciously chose just to recommend it free and clear (it is that good).  So check out Dropbox for your business and you will very quickly be wondering how the heck did you live without it?

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Copywriter

Invisible people are all around you. Each day, no matter where you go or no matter what you do, you pass invisible people. And no, I am not going all woo woo on you, I am simply talking about the people we all take for granted. Our taxi drivers, receptionists, shop assistants, cafe attendants, admin assistants and a myriad of other people whose job it is to care for us.

You can tell a lot about the character of a person by how they treat the invisible people around them. As an inveterate people watcher, I often sit and observe how people treat the invisible people around us. Most people barely acknowledge their existence, treating them as a funny shaped vending machine – put money in and get some goods or service in return.

And yet some people stop, take the time to give eye contact, a smile and a comment about their day or their lives. When this happens you can see the invisible people do a double take, stand a bit taller and smile. Someone has taken the time to make them visible, to be seen, to be acknowledged. Their customer service usually lifts for you and for the people after you – they feel better about themselves and their jobs – all from one simple contact.

We all crave human contact. We all have wants & desires. We all have hopes & dreams. Yet, the invisible people learn that their hopes and dreams are of lesser importance than those of the people they serve. Do we really want this to be the case?

So today when you travel about, when you grab your coffee, when you talk with an admin person, or you buy something in a shop, take a second to look at how you treat the invisible people around you, and then step out of your comfort zone to connect with them. Today make the invisible people visible.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance writer

For the past few weeks I have been helping an international speaking client totally rebrand. This meant constructing all new marketing collateral assisted by the brilliant Paul from Brandrally, who has created amazing branding & design & Geoff McDonald from Ideas Architect for the awesome game design. (Did I mention we had 2 1/2 weeks to do this 6 month project, as there was major event that the branding had to be ready for?)

One of the areas our client talks about in his speeches, is his early career as a professional bull rider (as is the normal career path for all Chartered Accountants). Bull riding is also known as “dancing with thunder”, which seemed a great analogy – except our ride lasted for more than 8 seconds.

In 2 weeks I wrote the copy for handouts, banners, business cards, website, presentation slides, game, polished his speech, while working with Paul & Geoff on design, graphics, images and refining the branding elements. Sleep has been in short supply!

Given the deadlines for printing, we used multiple printers across Australia to complete parts of the project. This meant we had printing flying in from different capitals to the event. This week I have been in Sydney helping coordinate everything on site, while Paul looked after the Brisbane end of the project.

Our dance with thunder included:

• Presentation folders streaking & only 100 out of the 1000 being able to be printed to the particular colours that were designed.  The balance we compromised on.
• Another printer not collating the copies of the 18 individual pages of copy for the kit – which meant a late night of all hands on deck around a dining table, manually collating pages & inserting them into the folders.
• Only the business cards arriving – the letterheads & envelopes were delayed.
• Pull up banners being delivered to the site according the courier – only problem was they weren’t & in fact had disappeared into a black hole, so we had to organise same day reprinting of the banners (they were still damp when they were delivered that night).
• The airlines losing one suitcase which contained all the printed games being flown in from Melbourne – so we had a very nervous 12 hours until they were found.
• 4pm change of plans for trade booth display the next day requiring rapid re-nogotiation with the hotel, catering staff combined with a quick race to the shops to buy the new strategy.
• And quite a few other little “challenges” – luckily the copy was perfect (of course).

And even with all of these challenges, we improvised like crazy when things didn’t quite come in the way we wanted, and scraped it over the line. Luckily the event went off brilliantly! So what is the point of this story?

At times if can feel like all of us are dancing with thunder in our jobs. There are days or weeks, when we are just hanging on & hoping like heck that we won’t get bucked off.

There are times when we just have to rely on our colleagues & friends to help get us over the line & there are times when things don’t go the way we hope, which is when we have to roll with the ride.

There are also times where we are so exhausted that we don’t acknowledge all of the people who have pulled together to make our project a success. So, from the bottom of my heart Paul & Geoff – you are truly amazing! Thank you! Paul in particular, you have gone above & beyond the call of duty – if anyone needs a brilliant Brisbane graphic designer or web designer – then Paul from Brandrally is truly superb.

And in case any of my other clients get ideas … I’m heading off for a few days break before my own speaking gigs for AIM on Tuesday at the Gold Coast & Cairns Workforce Council on Wednesday.  And won’t be tackling impossible projects again for at least a few more weeks.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Copywriter & Miracle Worker

With the Federal Election off and racing, now is the time to remind  all of your staff about appropriate codes of conduct in relation to elections.

Generally that means:

• No use of company emails or faxes to share party political comment
• No use of company photocopiers or material to copy political material
• No bringing of how to vote material and leaving it in the lunchroom
• No wearing company branded clothing in any political photo shoot (without your prior authorisation)

If you have the discussion now you won’t have to discipline later!

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance HR Writer

Many businesses with salespeople struggle to work out who is the best person to hire for the role. Do they take the raging extrovert (who couldn’t complete paperwork to save their lives), or the diligent paper completer who struggles with getting out of the office and talking with people?

A hidden dimension to look for in sales success is empathy – the ability to understand what people are feeling. By being able to “get” people’s feelings, they are better able to help the person find the solutions they need and therefore make better sales. However, measuring empathy has been tricky to accurately assess.

The Neuromarketing blog reports on a study that looks at the correlation between empathy and the melodic voices (yes, whether or not the person speaks in a monotone or has variable tones). The study shows that people whose voices are more melodic, are more empathetic. The suggested reason for this is the person whose voice shows light and shade, are more likely to be able to identify emotion in other people.

Having a strange mind I had visions of the application – candidates voices being run through voice analyzers as part of the selection process. However, the more practical application is through just listening to the voice of your candidate and then following it up with standardised questions and reference checks to verify your assessment. You still have to resolve the paper warfare dilemma – but at least you would have an idea of how well they can identify and work with customers once they get in front of them.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance Copywriter

In a world where we are switched on, tuned in 24/7, with hundreds of  online “friends” you could be forgiven for thinking that deep human needs are being met. And yet, when I talk with my clients, the need that they most crave, and are missing in their lives, are deeper connections with other people. They want to be known and accepted as they are by others.

Social media for many people is the equivalent of the head nod as you pass someone whose face you recognise on the street.  The people who do social media really well add in the hearty g’day and a chat about the weather – but they are still not meeting the needs for deeper connection between people.

Managers struggle with having honest and open conversations with their team members because they know they have no relationship & connection with the people they manage. We all instinctively know that we listen more if feedback comes from people we trust, respect and like, than someone who is part of our business wallpaper.  And yet, these same managers view the step to connect with their team in the same light as setting sail for the new world back a few hundred years – fears that “there be dragons” on the journey.

Women seem to find it easier to connect. Put two women in a room with some coffees between them and often the level of disclosure quickly heads into the “wouldn’t put that on Facebook” territory.

Guys on the other hand seem to struggle. I’m sure there are piles of wonderfully academic books written on this one, but here’s some home spun wisdom. If you want two or more blokes to “connect” or have a hard conversation, make sure there is some form of sporting equipment between them.

I have seen blokes deal with grieving the loss of a child over a few hoops of basketball. I have watched a few blokes fishing and in the process sort out inter team work conflicts.  I have seen handball courts form the backdrop to working on thorny goals, and have observed indoor cricket made from improvised equipment (you can’t beat the old rubber band balls) resolve stalemates in projects.  It doesn’t matter the form – just make the conversation not the focus but the sideline to something else.

So if you are serious about being a successful manager or business owner, work out how you can help fill the deeper need for connection with your team and clients … even if that means playing the odd round of  golf or lawn bowls.

Ingrid Cliff

We put your business into words

Heart Harmony – Freelance writer