A Living Fossil Speaks - The Challenges of Midlife
The other evening, I was speaking at a meeting of 50 or so web designers and web developers in Brisbane. As I stood up and gazed around the darkened room, I saw only one or two people of my vintage in the crowd. The rest were bright-eyed, keen young designers, as yet unground down by the world.
And I realised as I looked at each face ... I was old enough to be their mother (and in some cases their grandmother). Oi! Nothing like that sort of wake-up call to make you rethink your place in the world.
I had the thought – what can an overweight, middle-aged mum possibly have to share with these young guys (most of them were blokes)?
In that split second, I was aware I was a living fossil in the web world. I was hand-coding Fortran cards to run on computers as big as rooms, before PCs were invented. I was keywording industrial relations decisions before the world wide web was created. And I remember the excitement of getting one or two emails per day – all greeted with a gorgeous male voice announcing, "You've got mail". This was their history.
So I shared my stories of how I had come to where I was, as well as tips on how they could beat the biggest bugbear web designers face today. And what stood out for me about the talk, were the questions asked at the end. Yes, many had folded arms and closed minds – but others were excited and had words bubbling out of them like a shaken coke bottle.
At times we forget how much we know, how far we have travelled and how much we have learned. You see, I start each day by looking at how much I still have to learn, and rarely look back at where I have been.
But this time, in glancing back, I realised that somehow, somewhere along the way, I had become an elder of the tribe. A keeper of stories and teller of tales. I had value - by virtue of my past.
I have to admit the mantle of age sits uncomfortably on me. It itches and prickles like unwashed sheets. Part of me wants to race pell-mell down the sand to play in the waves of youth ... Part of me says, "Let's sit and enjoy the sun". Part of me wants to once again rebel with clothes and hair that shock and confront ... Part of me craves comfortable slippers and a quiet night in.
I've stormed the barricades and I've chipped at the glass ceiling, making the odd chink for others on the way up. I've collected experiences and emotions like kids used to collect Pokémon cards.
... But another part of me whispers, "There's more ... there's still more".
After all, there's the evolving of copywriting for mobile devices to explore, and the changes Panda 2 has brought in. There's the growth of local in tandem with the global. And the ever-expanding reach of the social media pool to play in. There's more ... there's still more.
There's cultures to experience and love to find once again. There's healing and joy, and much sadness and grieving to be done. There's pieces to be picked up and others discarded. There's more ... there's still more.
Age is no longer the straight jacket it once was. It is now full of juice and potential.
So, if you are also traversing the bumpy seas of mid-life – I tip my hat to you, my fellow traveller. And if you have any stories or tips you want to share on making this transition to elder easier, I would love to hear them. After all, it's more fun to travel with others.
As a manager, one of the core skills you need is listening skills. By this I don't mean just being able to be quiet long enough to hear what words people are saying, I mean being able to be still and listen to what their words don't say.
There are two levels of listening, being able to hear the sentences spoken, and able to paraphrase back what was said is the surface level. if you are often accused of not listening, you need to go back and polish this surface level of skills.
The second level of listening is deeper. It is listening to hear the emotions under the words. It is listening to hear the assumptions underpinning the sentences and listening to hear the values that are driving the person.
In this day and age we are so focussed on getting our two cents in, that we don't pay 100% attention to what people are saying with their words and their emotions. This means we don't respond appropriately.
One of the deepest human needs is to be listened to and heard. If you connect at both the surface level and the deeper emotional level, you can help meet the human need and you will connect with others. All from just polishing up your listening skills.
Last week for EOFYS Sale
Our End of Financial Year sale ends on 30th June, so there has never been a better time to grab one of our products.
Each of our Heart Harmony products has been reduced by at least 25%.
All you need to do is:
1. Enter the coupon code EOFYS in the coupon code box on each sales page,
2. Click the submit coupon button, and the reduced price will automatically come up.
And, to make my bookkeeper happy, I have rationalised the price of our Small Business Marketing Ideas book to the same price as our Employee Performance Reviews book ... and you still get 25% off the new figure.
Is your business website smartphone ready? Is your design and your copy optimised for a smartphone? If not, you could be invisible to the net in less than 2 years.
Legal stuff: This newsletter is intended as only a general guideline for Australian businesses. You should seek specific advice for your situation rather than relying only on this newsletter
Earnings disclaimer. Some of the content may include advertorial information, which means I may receive financial compensation for the products I recommend. But - unless I know and trust the product, I will not recommend it.
I feel like you were looking inside my head with your comments! I still feel 25 on the inside yet the mirror tells me that my age is "twice' as special! This "middle age necklace" feels pretty restrictive at times and I think it must be neon green in color! I struggle with the idea of any of the 'elder tags' yet I am grateful that I have a useful piece of advice to pass on when someone asks for it. Now, if I can just get my staff to stop saying things like "I hope I look like you when I'm your age"! The only comfort is knowing that someday they will experience the exact same comment, so for now I just smile and say "you can only hope!"
I love your description about your middle age necklace!
I'm with you in that inside I feel about 25 and am often surprised when I catch a glance in a window or mirror and don't see the outside matching the inside. Then I look around at the other people around me at the coffee shop or street and see if I can spot their inner 25 year old, still inside but wearing age as dress up clothes for a fancy dress party.
I wonder what would happen if we all let our inner 25 year olds out to play one day. If we threw off the boundaries of "age appropriate" clothes and behaviour ... just for one day. I don't think it would cause the end of the world, but I am sure we would get some interesting reactions.
Hello wonderful Ingrid... I'm just popping in having read what you've been up to lately... I really enjoyed your Living fossil blog.. Perhaps its appeal is my own mid-lfe-ism... I am not copywriting, or even attempting to keep up to date with IT... If anything is too urgent, my wise and well-armed kids will get me up to speed...
I have found, though, that, in whatever area I pursue, gleaning info or experience from a built up mound of knowlegde, amassed over years of simply being in the world, is wonderful... Somehow, at some level, that knowledge just sits, and waits, until the appropriate time to surface, astounding myself even more than onlookers, with its astuteness!!! And this is me... memory-challenged, head-in-the-clouds, Linnie
I am absolutely enjoying Crone status, mid-life-ness... and I am absolutely content in the company of fellow Crones, and in the company of the young ones that seek out our company...
Hugs... xxx
Oh... one aspect of aging that hasn't charmed me quite so much is the lessening clarity of physical vision... and I must confess that typing into these tiny font sizes makes it difficult to see what I have mis-typed!!!!! heh heeh!!!
LOL Linnie - I have visions of your wisdom lying in wait behind a tree somewhere and then pouncing on people. You are definitely a wise woman! I'm struggling with the Crone tag - I think it will take a while for it to be fully reclaimed as a positive.
And the one advantage of eyesight softening as we age, is we can now overlook mistakes that in our youth we trumpeted to the world that we had found. We can now choose to say, yes, there may be mistakes - but doesn't everyone make them & isn't that the coolest part of living!
Hugs
Ingrid
chris
June 23, 2011 - 19:26
Subject: Living fossil
Ingrid,
hahahaha. I, too, am a living fossil with all the emotions you describe, and jus tlast night was at a user group meeting where yet another fossil described the old Burroughs computing days, punch cards, etc.
My belief is we have so much to offer, even more to do, and when the Gen Y folks mature - which they already are and I am extremely excited by that prospect - we will have kindred spirits .... just very young ones.
LOL
Chris
I often describe myself as a Gen Y living in a Baby Boomer body. Me ... I'm hanging out for the Gen Z's - they look like they will be an awesome generation. And yes, kindred spirits can come from any age group - common interests seem to flatten the age barrier.
email
I am not copywriting, or even attempting to keep up to date with IT... If anything is too urgent, my wise and well-armed kids will get me up to speed...
