We have all heard stories about people having a mid-life crisis. Where people suddenly start doing things or acting in ways very different to the way they used to. We have heard of men buying sports cars (meno-Porsche syndrome), women radically changing their hair or clothing style and people dropping out and moving to Nimbin. These are the more extreme stories.

So what about you? Take this quick quiz to check if you are in the middle of a mid-life crisis—

1. Are you between 38 and 58?
2. Do you think there has to be more to life than what you are doing now?
3. Do you feel like you have climbed the ladder of success, but it may be on the wrong wall?
4. Does your life feel grey – all the high highs and low lows are missing?
5. Are your sleeping patterns disturbed – waking in the middle of the night or sleeping a lot more than usual?
6. Are you overeating or drinking more than usual?
7. Have you lost your sense of humour?
8. Are you having fantasies of running away or quitting your job?
9. Are you finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning and go to work?
10. Do you ever wonder – what is the point of this, what difference am I making?

If you have answered yes to more than half of these questions including yes to question 1, then you are probably having a midlife crisis.

So what exactly is it?

There has been lots of research done over the years of the emotional and developmental stages of children. But somehow the research tends to stop pretty much cold when we finish puberty. This is quite bizarre. It suggests that we stop developing when we age—which is no-where near the truth.

One of the best researchers into what happens at mid-life was Carl Jung. He suggested that we continue to develop ourselves and our personality throughout our life. During mid-life (which can occur anywhere between about 38 and 58), we start to question what the first part of our life has been about. We also start to get little twinges in our brain — is this all there is? Why am I here on earth? What difference am I really making.

This questioning time can also link in to the time when our children are facing adolescence—where they are at the peak of their physical abilities, which can be a real contrast to where we may be at the time.
We may have hit a plateau at our work— there is no-where to be promoted and we may not really be sure that we would want to be promoted anyway given the hours that we would have to work. We start to consider—can we do this particular job for the rest of our lives? Can we keep battling the same crisis - just on different days for the rest of our working lives?

It is interesting watching organizations headed up by people who fit the profile of mid-life—often the CEO will take the organisation on a search for vision or purpose, transferring their personal quest for meaning into a corporate quest.

Jung suggested that we start to develop the under-developed sides of our personality at mid-life —women may start to explore their personal power and become more willing to take risks, men may start to explore the world of feelings and whether their personal needs are being met. It is through this development and personal review that we start to resolve our place in the world, we start to come to grips with who we are and what is important to us.

How hard this review time is varies from person to person. For some people it is less than a small blip on their personal radar. For others the review can be quite difficult and long lasting which is why we call it a mid-life crisis. For some people, the feelings of discomfort this review time triggers makes them try and mask their feelings with food, alcohol, sex or other addictions.

For some this review can also trigger mild or severe depression —and generate sleep disturbances, tearfulness and general tiredness all the time. When depressed, we can lose our sense of humour and find our life colourless and dull.

How do you deal with it?

1. Firstly—if you are matching any of the symptoms of depression I have talked about, see your doctor.
2. Acknowledge to yourself that this is a normal stage of development—you are not going nuts!
3. Go back and re-look at your values—what is important to you in your life and make sure you are living your life in accordance with those values.
4. Work out your purpose in life—when have you felt “in the zone” in the past, what things make you feel the best about yourself? These generally are clues to your purpose.
5. Allow your emotions to come up—don’t hide them. Work through your feelings, don’t mask them. If you work through them they will pass faster than if you block them.
6. Talk with a trusted friend or coach—you don’t have to do this alone. When you were going through your childhood stages of development you had people to help you through—to help you learn faster and smoother. This is no different—learn from your lessons of the past.
   

Enjoy— when you come out the other side you will be more at peace with your life and yourself, ready to pass on your wisdom to others.

 

Ingrid Cliff is a Brisbane based Business Development and Human Resources Consultant to Small and Medium Businesses with her company Heart Harmony www.heartharmony.com.au.