Brush Up Your Listening Techniques

“They aren’t listening to me”.  Who hasn’t felt like that at some time in their life? So how do you know when someone really is listening to you?   Most people say it is when people look at you, they appear like they are listening through their body language, they don’t interrupt, they don’t stay silent and they understand what you said.  Simple?  If it was, then there would be much less miscommunication and many more marriages would last.

So how can you brush up on your listening technique?

1. Give the speaker your full attention.  Look at them.
2. Watch the person’s non-verbal communication. Are they looking away or wriggling?
3. Be aware of your preconceived ideas or biases about them—these stop you hearing.
4. Show you are listening through attentive body language—body comfortably straight, not slumped. Body facing towards the person, leaning slightly towards them. Smile slightly.
5. Do not interrupt.  You can’t listen if you are busy thinking of what you are going to say next.
6. Check for your understanding by “paraphrasing” - repeating or restating what the person said in your own words.  For example—”so what I heard you say was … is that right?”
7. Check how the person is feeling behind the words.  For example—”you look really sad when you say that” or “it sounds like that made you really angry”.
8. Ask questions to check your understanding.
9. Give approval—let the person know that you approve of them or praise them, it encourages further communication.
10. Jot down notes if appropriate to keep track of complex or detailed points.
11. Don’t jump to conclusions—it can lead to missed opportunities.
12. Don’t stay totally silent—add in simple and brief words or sounds to show you are listening like “mmmm” of “aha”.

Questions & Activities.

1. Practice paraphrasing what people around you are saying for one day next week.

2. Ask for feedback—ask your closest friend “Do I listen to you”?  “How do I show that I am listening?”  Really listen to the answer, paraphrase the response, don’t interrupt or argue and simply say “Thank you” at the end.

3. Find a friend to work with.  Agree on a topic to talk about it.  For 5 minutes let the person talk about the topic and you REALLY LISTEN, using all of your new skills.  Swap roles.  How did it feel being really listened to?

Ingrid Cliff is a Brisbane based Business Development and Human Resources Consultant to Small and Medium Businesses with her company Heart Harmony www.heartharmony.com.au.